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There is no doubt that my favorite band of all time and always will be Third Eye Blind. It's not just because I grew up listening to them but that somehow, Stephen Jenkins can always capture the essence of the songs that he writes with words and music. This is what I call poetry. I can listen to their songs over and over again and not be sick of them. There is something so much deeper about their music...its not like your generic mainstream mass-produced pop.

They're probably one of the best alternative bands out there and they've been out there for a while already since the release of their first album in 1997. I was 12 then and I still listen to the same songs today and they never seem to grow old on me. They'll be coming out with a new album soon and I'm honestly looking forward to that. Their music is so simple but at the same time, the words are complex and full of emotion. I am like that. Probably that's why I can relate to their music so much.

I wish they would come to Des Moines!

Update

I think I should've done it a while ago...reformat my computer. It now runs almost like new but according to my friend, it needs more RAM and I'm still undecided about getting it. Ahh...nothing quite like efficiency. I actually enjoy using my computer much much more. :)

Ahh...Spring!

I know I probably say this again and again but I love Spring! It is probably my favorite time of year and this year in Iowa, Spring was probably longer than it usually is. There is nothing and I mean....absolutely nothing that beats walking underneath trees that have flowers weighing down their branches, walking along flower strewn paths, stopping to smell the tulips and hyacinth and lying down on the grass on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

It's a season for regrowth, for the old to die away and for the new to come up. For things to blossom and grow literally and figuratively speaking. I never realized how hard it is to be a relationship, I mean...I know its no walk in the park but then again, just to realize the magnitude of the time and energy invested into that special someone. To want to make things work. I find myself doubting at times if we are right for each other but then again, I find myself proven wrong again and again.

Knowing that we bring out the best and...the worst in each other but in a good way. We both have our faults and skeletons; we're still rough on the edges. The issues that crop up brings up the friction that we need to smooth out our rough edges, helping make us better people. Finding that we both have skeletons in our closests, the ones that we're trying to forget and get rid of, knowing that we can't do it by ourselves. Realizing that's why were here for each other.

You also know its Spring when you're walking down the street and a carload of guys drive by, honking at you. :P

Bonding

Despite the fact that girls might end up disagreeing with each other, there's nothing like bonding over talk about men. We've all been there...done that. This girl who I'm pretty sure had a thing against me because she thought I was making moves on her ex-boyfriend (which I am not), has been holding a grudge against me. She didn't have to tell me but I felt it.

Anyways, things between us have been getting better because hey, if I was intending to make a move on her ex-boyfriend, I would've done that a long long time ago. Besides, I'm not that kind of girl...friends don't do that to each other. It was really random, we just started having a conversation about past and current (other people) relationships and we realized that we were having similar thoughts about a friend of ours who just got together with this guy.

Girls will always be girls and we stick together...especially when it comes to men being asses. We were talking and saying how we were worried for our friend because the guy that she's with does not seem like a good guy. She agreed to have a word with our friend about it because I spoke my mind to her and she refused to listen. The next day, she came back with the same conclusion...she won't listen. Oh well, we tried.

But somehow, there's something about women...all women in fact, when we are able to bond...no matter how vastly different we are...just for that one moment when we talk about heartaches and heartbreak. How we take comfort in each other and support each other, knowing that we're not the only one who went through that situation.

Anyways, it was a really stressful day/week but its the weekend! Time to recuperate and catch up on my rest. To the person who helped me get through the week, thank you for putting up with me. You mean more to me than I say you do...

A Reminder

The only time I get to sleep in is on Saturday mornings. I work Monday and Friday and then there's church on Sunday. Last semester, InterVarsity organized several service projects all of which are on Saturday mornings and although I signed up for them, I failed to drag myself out of bed before 8.30am.

I figured that if I didn't sign up this time around, I might actually end up going which was exactly what happened. It was worth dragging myself out of bed and getting bundled up into the cold. We spent the entire morning at Bethel Mission, a homeless shelter for men somewhere in downtown Des Moines.

We wiped down all the mattresses in the dorm, vacuumed the air vents, washed the walls and swept the floor. It was good and productive work for all of us and after that, we had lunch with the homeless people in the cafeteria. I'm glad I went because I think I needed a little reminder of how blessed I am.

It's so easy to forget all of the good things in our lives because we get so caught up in ourselves. We wonder why things are not going our way when in fact, they are but just not the way we want them to be and in a sense, that actually might be the best thing for us. Imagine having everything that we could ever want. Now where is the fun in that?

Back in 237

After an uneventful but tiring flight, I am finally back in Des Moines. The day we arrived, Mother Nature was kind to us and it was a mild -7 degrees. Today will hover around -12 degrees or so which isn't really bad until the wind blows. It felt weird to be back. Surrounded by so many familar faces and yet, I felt out of touch. I felt that way when I got back home to Malaysia. It somehow feels that I don't really belong anywhere...neither here nor there.

I managed to attend all my classes which is good because I hate having to e-mail my professors and explain to them. So far so good. 4 out of 5 of my classes are taught by professors that I already know so I know what to expect from them. This semester is going to be another interesting one, classwise I mean. No more drama outside of the classroom please!

My new hairstyle has been well received so far and I'm going to take it as a good thing. :) Change is always good. I am looking forward to a brand new year...a fresh start.

-15

My final week here was probably as good as the first week since I got back. The lull in between was uncalled for but I guess it was a good thing because I needed to take a rest to recover from my illness. I still find it hard to believe that I'll be flying back in 3 days. I'm already missing my friends and family. I'll miss my dad and my mum...my bro and my dog. It's good to remember the good times we had here despite a few setbacks.

I wonder how well I'll be able to handle the 50 degree difference in temperature change. Haha...*ponders*

Quiet Time

For the first time in weeks, I actually have the time to just sit down and chill. To do whatever I want - like painting my nails. Haven't done that in a while. My usual schedule would be to come back from class/work....crawl into bed, wake up for dinner, take a shower and study study study. The cycle repeats itself again the next day. I haven't felt sleepy at all this afternoon which is good. It is snowing outside and I don't know but something about looking at falling snow relaxes me. There's about 3 inches on the ground now and it doesn't look like it's stopping anytime soon.

I was hanging on by sheer will power for the past few weeks, trying to squeeze everything into my schedule and not to mention my drama-filled life. I found myself in so many new situations, something that I've never experienced before and I doubt I would have if I was still in Malaysia. This semester was a crazy thrilling emotional roller-coaster ride for me compared to last semester when I was still getting used to living over here. I am thankful for the many new friendships formed this semester and a strengthening of the old.

I learnt a lot about myself, about other people...about the things that I will have to face when I leave school and step out in the real world. I learnt to let go of certain things in my life that I knew that holding onto them only brought me down. I learnt to take life as it comes, one small step at a time because sometimes, the plans that you have in mind do not come to past...but life never fails to jump and surprise you in the face.

The timing could have never been crazier - 2 weeks from finals. I think I met someone with that spark. We haven't decided what exactly is going on but its alright because I don't know either, not right now at this stage in my life. Neither does he. I'll be coming home for Christmas and it's a good thing because then, we'll have time to think about things over Winter Break and see what lies ahead next year. Whatever it is, if it's meant to work out...it will.

Wishful Thinking

I was suddenly overcome with a wave of either insanity or a heck load of courage and wanted to tell this person my thoughts about them. I wonder if it is a temporary thing or something inside me that had changed because for that period of time, I didn't really care about what the person might have ended up saying to me...whether what was said would be hurtful to the point of irrepairable damage. The thing was and is, I feel that somehow, I'll be immune to whatever that might have be said. Is that a bad sign? Had my stance about that person changed? Or was it just temporary insanity?

I wonder what it is like to act on impulse? Will things turn out horrible or for the better? I guess such decisions are not meant to be done on impulse but then again, who knows what might happen. The logical part of my brain tells me not to say anything but then again, the urge was so strong; strong enough that I was about to try and IM the person. My only fear is that if I say what I had to say, things would be strained in the future and I know I would hate that very much. Because right now, I feel that if I said it and things didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be, I wouldn't be bothered about it. I will resume my normal routine and things between us would be the same.

But most likely it will never be the exact same thing. So I guess its just my wishful thinking. But somehow, if I knew that things will not change, I would say something...even if the person doesn't share the same opinion about me.

Happiness in a Bottle

Been feeling melancholy the whole day, maybe partly due to the weather. The rain and gloom isn't helping lift my spirits up. I was reading a friend's blog and she was writing about happiness (if you are her reading this, I just decided to put in my two cents worth XD) and what it meant to her.

At this point in my life, happiness would be the little things in life that make me smile. Like knowing that my friends and love ones are thinking about me, or that little message saying how much someone misses you and hope that things are going alright. It's the smile on the face of a loved one or a friend calling you out for dinner or a late night snack.

Happiness goes hand in hand with contentment. It is when you know everything is right with the world and with yourself. I think I need a good dose of happiness, of unbridled and free laughter. The kind when you smile to yourself when you think no one else is looking.

Californian Craving

I think I've not gotten over California yet. I love that place. Was bored so I decided to listen to KROQ online and it brought back such awesome memories of the summer vacation I had in LA. I remembered we listened to KROQ most of the time while we were driving around in LA, getting lost at times and oh boy, I wish I was back there right now.

Nothing beats California. The beaches, the places, the people, the atmosphere! I wish there was as much diversity here in Des Moines but unfortunately not. I remember the Chinese food we had in LA at Chinatown one evening on the way back from a day at Santa Monica. The food was so delicious that I think we all died and went to Chinese food heaven for a little while. I still remember that I had sand in my pants from the beach.

I love the Latino and Asian culture that is so abundant in LA and all the little pockets of ethnic housing areas. All the wonderful Korean, Japanese, Filipino and Latina people that is very much lacking here in Des Moines. Oh, not to mention the traffic jams that remind me so much of home!

I think all in all, I'm a city girl at heart. No matter now many people think that Klang is "ulu", I don't think it is. I'm just as cosmopolitan as anyone from KL or PJ but with a little more attachment to home. You can take the girl out of the city but you cannot take the city out of the girl. Not out of this girl anyway...

Bonfire

So, it has been another rather boring and quiet day of studying after yesterday's hectic schedule. I was out the whole of yesterday, since 7.30am until 2.00am this morning. I finally went to the DMV to get my driving permit and yaaay (!) I passed the written test. So I now have an offical state issued ID which makes things so much easier when I'm required to show a proper ID. After that, I rushed off to work and after work, went to Walmart and after Walmart, I had to attend a Bible Study. Then I went for dinner...and after dinner, I went to a bonfire with IV people and that was so much fun.


The weather has been getting colder and it was rather cold last night so it was nice to warm ourselves by the fire while we made smores. The downside to that is that I ended up smelling like smoke...even worse than if one went to the club. We got back and surprised my roommate...it was her birthday! After that quick party, I went to my friend's place to hang out and tottered back to my room and collapsed on my bed at 2am. Hmm...I just realized I've been out 3 consecutive Friday nights! XD I'll be heading off to Kansas City next Friday to attend a conference. I can't wait for that!

I am waiting for my laundry to get done and I was reading my friend's blog and she's been having another episode of random strangers terrorizing her blog. I wish these people would get a life! Why in the world would you want to randomly post catty and scathing comments on some stranger's blog right? Unless, you have absolutely nothing else to do which means you have no life etc etc. It just annoys the hell out of me and as much as I want to do something about it, I can only do so much. So girl, hang in there...they will get what is coming to them!

The (Sometimes...) Party Girl

I realized today that I made the right decision of taking only 4 classes this semester but those 4 classes add up to 15 credit hours. If I'm not doing my homework, I'm working. When I'm not doing any of those things, I'm organizing something and when I'm not doing that, I'm out partying. XD

I was out last Friday night and the Friday before that. It's nice to have something to look forward to during the weekends. I attended two housewarming parties and the ISA Welcome Back Party. One of my friends just moved off campus and they threw a party at their huge place and invited all the Malaysian students so the place was jammed packed.

I finally got the chance to have at least a decent conversation with this guy I know. He's a grad student from Kazakhstan and I met him for the very first time when he picked me up from the airport. Whenever I see him on campus, it's like a "Hi" and "Bye" thing which kinda sucks because despite the fact that I've known him for 9 months already, I don't know very much about him. And no, he does not talk like Borat but he being good-natured, he thinks it's a funny movie anyways.


I think it's just a temporary phase until everything and everyone else settles down into their regular routine. I've never seen myself as a party kind of person but recently, I've been enjoying myself just hanging out and talking with my friends. Also, parties are a great way to meet friends that you don't get to see a lot of the time.

Are you the kind of person who needs glasses to see? Well, I for one fall into that category. However, I don't know why people can't recognize me at times without my glasses. Especially Americans. I like to think that I look better and so far, I think, very few of my classmates have ever seen me without them.

I've been getting along fine with my classmates despite my earlier fears about going through classes like how I did last semester. Now, I even have consistent lab partners and even a homework group. It's nice to be able to discuss homework and stuff when you don't know how to do those questions.

We went to this old couple's house on Sunday for dinner and myself and another person went earlier to help with the preparations for dinner. It's so comforting to have home-cooked food and warm fellowship with these old couple that remind me so much of my adopted Aussie grandparents, Tom and Lois. This time, there were only about 14 of us there and out of that number, five of us were the only seniors.


I'm afraid to think of how many more people will attend the next few suppers because right now, we have over 100 Malaysian students here at Drake. :O

Sunday

It feels kinda weird not to be doing anything on a Sunday morning/afternoon. Jon and I didn't go to church today firstly because we had no car and then, he was tired from staying up late studying and I was tired from all the moving and unpacking that I've been doing for the past few days. It kinda sucks that most of my friends are not back yet...hence the "nothing to do" and I don't have to study no more.

I can finally catch up on my reading but then again, I don't feel like reading at the moment. I just feel like doing....something! Anything else for that matter. I need to get out of this room, I'm already sick of it despite the fact that I've been living here for the past 2 nights. We set it up exactly like how my old room was which I believe is one of the best plans for more floor space. I've visited a couple of my friends who live in the same building and so far, none of them set it up like ours. I'll post pictures when everything else is moved in.

I'll be busy again from tomorrow onwards as I'll still be working in the library and then, I have a job interview to attend tomorrow morning. I applied for the position of Student Assistant at the Environmental, Health and Safety Department at Drake as part of my current hunt to secure jobs for myself for the rest of the school year and also to ensure a steady stream of moolah into my bank account. I hope I'll get the hang of the work and study thing. I'll only be taking 4 classes this Fall so I guess it won't be so bad. I'm sure with good management of my time and a a lot of hard work thrown in, I'll be fine.

I have no regrets about spending my summer here in Des Moines working and LA on vacation. My next target will be to go to NYC during Spring Break next year. It's good to make new friends and forge connections because now, I won't need to find a place to live in NY because I have a fellow Malaysian friend who lives in Brooklyn. We have a bunch of Malaysian students arriving tonight...approximately 40 for this semester and surprise surprise...most of them are Actuarial Science majors. =.=" Come on people, we need more diversity! This is starting to get tiring...all these Act Sci people...pfft. Anyways, a couple of friends and I will be showing them around campus for the next few days. That will prove to be interesting I think and honestly, I'm looking forward to it. :)

Power Play

After all the drama that has happened the past few days, now I'm beginning to feel bored at work! It's kinda hard to resume my normal boring and routine job after being personally involved in so many exciting (!) incidents lately. I'm working a double (8 hr) shift at the desk and time seems to crawl by. Just checked in a couple of Fall 07 RA's, handed out the bathroom key, and let my friend check in early. He is on the early check in list but then the earliest time he was supposed to be able to check in is on the 15th. It pays to have friends in high places (i.e. Me!) because I asked my boss if he could check in early and she said yes. So now he owes me dinner. Hahah!

But seriously, I think it's human psychology to think higher of someone if they know or are related to someone in position. For example, over the summer...I had to work with this colleague of mine and I doubt we exchanged many sentences. I think I talked to others much more than to him. However, after working one day, I bumped into a friend of mine, Josiah and I was talking to him for a while. He just moved into GK and he has his own apartment since he is the Assistant Residence Hall Director (ARHD) and he offered to show it to me. His apartment is across from the front desk and that day, it so happened that "that" guy was working and when he saw me and Josiah on friendly terms he looked a little surprised. From that day on, I felt that his perception towards me changed. He became friendlier (?). I guess having powerful friends do change the perception of people towards you...or maybe it's just my imagination?

Zonked

There are days when you seem to bounce off walls but then again there are days when you feel like doing nothing but chill. Why? Because you're so tired! I'm having one of those lazy days. It doesn't help that I have to finish a book report by tonight and complete a midterm by Tuesday. How now?

Time Is Money!

Last week, I had some of my hours cut from my RCA job which meant that from the 9th to 19th, I would only be working two shifts a week which equals 8 hours of work a week compared to the regular 24 hours a week. The best part? I still get paid the same amount as I get a monthly and not hourly stipend. It is nice to get a little time off to myself instead of having to work almost everyday and the hours that got cut out were all of my dead shifts so I have been sleeping every night.

My friend recently went to China for 6 weeks and left his job at the library. I ended up taking his position and now, besides my RCA job, I work for about 10-11 hours a week at the library. To make matters more interesting for me, my summer class started and my reading requirements is one book a week and textbook material. In addition to the readings, I have a paper to hand in every week by Monday morning. If the books were fiction books, that would make them easier to read but that is just my wishful thinking.

I think I'm busier now in the summer than I was when I was taking classes despite the homework and assignments. Funny huh? I have no time to play computer games anymore, nor watch TV and at times, I even feel too tired to cook. I was working in the library today and I was processing books that were going to be thrown out. Imagine that! They throw books out of the library because they are old and outdated. Pfft....I wonder if they even recycle them? I think I'm allowed to take the books if I wanted to but currently, the ones that I processed were Math and Journalism books.

The best news of the day? I finally got paid! It brought such pleasure to my heart when I saw my paycheck, minus taxes. Imagine, all my hardwork finally converted into cash. At least now my bank account will be out of the red. I am so looking forward to my next paycheck!

All Nighter

So here I am again, blogging at work which means that I have the need to kill time. Tonight will be my first offical all nighter. Sounds scary as hell (in case I fall asleep and get reprimanded) but I think I'll be fine. Being assigned a double shift from 12am to 8am does seem menacing to one's sleep but I've learnt the art of sleeping beforehand so as to not suffer from terrible sleep pangs at work.

The fact of the matter is that I've been working so much for the past few days that exhaustion/fatigue has kicked in. Not to mention the obvious dark circles under my eyes. I think my own mother would be horrified at the hours that I carry. All for the LA trip. It better be worth it or else I will be extremely disappointed.

I will be snacking on yoghurt, chips, M&M's and Altoids to keep me awake. Yes, Altoids. I love mints and I found out that they're really good; plus it helps that they're "Buy One Get One Free" at Walgreens at the moment. XD

Oooh! I finally got myself a little Black Razr V3T for -$50. Meaning that I was paid $50 bucks to take the phone! Not something you come across everyday - companies giving you a "free" cell phone. I think one of the most common things you hear amongst Malaysian students when they come over here will be..."Aiya, the phone plans here suck compared to those in Malaysia!". I guess I agree in some way. But come to think of it, there are some pros to it as well. There will be no point if you get a phone plan but without a phone right? Phone plans here come with a "free" cell phone attached to them. So sometimes you can get a nice phone (the iPhone is coming out soon) without having to "pay" anything.

But then again, the phone plans do suck in general over here. Firstly, the choices of phones are limited. Americans somehow prefer form over function. So Motorola phones are really big here. Well, it's not to say that they're entirely bad. The Razrs and Krzrs are fine but the rest might as well be put back into the 90s. Nokias are rare. Sony Ericssons even rarer. My current Nokia will kick my Razrs butt anytime.

Not only do the phones suck, the plans are based on number of minutes (talk time) and incoming calls (yes! incoming calls) are deducted from your minutes. So both parties lose. You call me, you pay and I pay as well. Same goes with SMS'. So despite being less developed that the United States, Malaysia still has better phone plans. Probably something the Americans want to learn from us. :)

ZOMG!

Well, I finally packed my stuff and moved some of it out. Oh boy, I realized that I have tons of stuff! My room is pretty empty now so much so that it feels weird. My friends are leaving or have already left to Malaysia so I guess the summer will be different. Tomorrow will be the last day that that Hubbell will be open. Only for breakfast. I won't be seeing him again...maybe forever! Gah!

I went to Hubbell for dinner today and it was rather empty, not surprising since a lot of people left already. When I walked through the entrance, I was like "What?!". He was working the register and I freaked out inwardly (of course!) because I don't want to see him face to face but at the same time, I do. He saw me, I saw him and of course, I acted all nonchalant. He said "Hello"...and I replied with a "Hi". He was acting really cool and all, took my card, fiddled with it for a moment before swiping it. I acted like I didn't care but inside it was ZOMG!. I was totally zoned out from that for a while.

I prepared to have dinner by my lonesome because none of my friends were there. I sat there...thinking. Eventually they showed up. The view from the table was better than expected. After closing the register and locking the doors, he was wiping down the tables and arranging the chairs. I prefer to watch him doing stuff rather than watching him when he's free just in case he realises that I'm looking at him. My friends told me that I suck. I have to agree with them on that one. I totally suck when it comes to talking to a guy that I'm crushing on. My guts vanish and I go into a blank state of mind - absolutely tongue tied. My friend said that he probably thought I was stuck up. Well, I'm not...just freaked out.

When we were leaving, he was wiping our table down. The last table as he already did the others. As we were going out, my friend smiled at him....I grimaced. He didn't smile back according to her. I suppose that's the way he is. Too cool to care perhaps? Or just a jerk...? I'm terrible at this anyway so it wouldn't make any difference.

The Sweetest Thing

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you