This Is The Answer!

Be My Escape

by Relient K

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

Fall Conference '07, Kansas City

I went to the InterVarsity Central Region Fall Conference this weekend at Kansas City, about 3 hours away from Des Moines. It started out as a respite/getaway to my hectic week so I wasn't really expecting much to happen. I was wrong! The first night itself, I was blown away and convicted by the message that Tom Lin spoke to us. He talked about how we need to put God first in our lives instead of our careers, relationships and comfort. I have been struggling with this aspect in my life for the past few weeks and it was a confirmation of what God wants me to do for Him. I admit that it has not been easy, to give up control of your life and the desires of your heart in obedience to Him. But, it's all for our good because He has bigger and better things in store for us. All we have to do is to have faith and trust in Him.

We also had smaller sessions and I actually signed up for the session on Prayer but I got bumped into the session on Evangelism and I admit that when I first found out, I was disappointed and thought it was going to be another boring session of how to witness to people. Again I was wrong! One of the exercises is for us to draw a concept map of all the networks of people that we're connected to. I was in a triad consisting of this guy I've met at Catalyst over the summer from Wash U and this other girl from Coe College and after we completed drawing out maps, I realized that mine was so much wider and bigger than theirs. I was so connected to people and all this while, I didn't realize it and I didn't use the many opportunities I had to bless them. I felt once again so convicted that I had all these opportunities that I didn't use and I don't think I was put into that session on accident.

Also as Christians, we tend to sanitize the word of God. We don't see the whole story as it was meant to be told. When Paul wrote to the church in Colosse, he was writing in thanksgiving to the church of Gentiles. When I think of Gentiles, I was like...oh...they were just non-Jewish people. But in fact, they were the outcasts of society. The thieves, adulterers, homosexuals, murders, sorcerers..etc. that no one wanted to associate with. This guy, Dr. Franklin I think really impacted all of us that were there at the conference. It shows how much we stereotype people and how we don't bother making the effort to love and care for everybody just the way they are.

My point here is that we can get so caught up in our problems that we fail to see the bigger picture, the plans that He has for us and all the things that He wants us to do for him. We just end up being mediocre Christians, trying to solve the problems in our lives instead of doing what we're supposed to do...to serve and love others. We are called to do two things in life, to love God and love people. That's all there is. So this conference was a wake up call for me, to see that there are people out there, just like me, going through the exact same problems and feeling broken and the best thing about it is that we can encourage and spur each other on in the race.

I'm very glad that I went, despite the many issues that cropped up that seemed discouraging at first. I just got back and although I'm physically and mentally tired from the trip, something has definitely changed inside of me, and it's good.

Trials

A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling down because everything horrible seemed to happen all at once. I was stressed from my jobs, stressed by my studies and by other events that took place in my life. Eventually things got better when I made a conscious decision to attend this Bible study that my friend invited me to. I was hesitant at first but my room mate, Belinda pushed me to go. And I am grateful that I went. However, after I went for Bible study regularly, other things began to happen.

My cousin who is like the twin I never had went through some of the worst times in his life. He has been through pretty rough times but nothing beat this one this time. He lost his job (he hasn't been able to hold a steady job for a while), his girlfriend conspired against him; got him arrested, fired from his job and chased after by loan sharks. The most interesting part is that nothing of it was his own doing. Everything happened because of what someone else did to him. I've already had a nagging feeling that it was no coincidence that all these bad things has been happening to him but it was God letting him know that he can't go through life trying to fix and control everything by himself. He was a believer but backslid after a bad incident that happened in his church. I had been telling him all this while about my "theory" but he always brushed it aside.

However, a couple of days ago, after not being able to talk to him for a while, he finally admitted to me that it did cross his mind that maybe God was calling him back to himself. That was a breakthrough in itself because I had been praying regularly for him the past few weeks since I attended the Bible study. I even convinced him to attend CG but the night before he was to attend, some people came to his house looking for him so he had to run and hide. Because of that, he couldn't attend CG and I don't think that was coincidence either.

Also, I received an email from a good friend of mine the other day saying how she had a near death experience. She never emails me so this had to be something serious. She was driving on the road and her car drifted and spun 360 on the highway. The amazing thing was that she didn't crash into the divider or into another car. That wasn't the only "incident" that happened to her. I've been praying for her regularly also and I believe that the enemy has been behind all these incidents.

The small bump downwards that I had a few weeks ago was the enemy's doing but thank God for my room mate who dragged me to Bible study when I didn't feel like going. My faith has definitely been strengthened through this fellowship with other believers and I know he hated that. So he had to bring me down somehow, by targeting those who are close to my heart - my cousin and my good friend. He made the wrong move because now, more than ever, I am going all out to intercede on their behalf, rallying other fellow believers in Christ to pray for their safety and for mine. If you have come to faith in Christ and are reading this, please join me in constant prayer for this matter.

I remember my pastor saying this, if everything is going okie-dokie with you; there are no trials, no persecution, nothing of concern going on in your life, you had better watch out because the enemy does not see you as a threat. It's when things are happening in your life that he is starting to get worried about you, he wants to pull you down, to lose your faith, to lose your hope and trust and to doubt God. The best thing about this situation is that I know for sure that God is on my side! All we have to do is to humble ourselves and come before God and pray ernestly with all our hearts because the victory is already won. We just have to claim it in the name of Jesus!

So my dear friends, if trials and difficult times come your way, give thanks and be glad, for you know that no matter how the enemy tries to bring you down, God is and will always be on your side.

Footprints

Sometimes, all you need is a little prod in the back. The best thing about it is that God knows exactly what you need to get going. I thank God for my current room mate Belinda. If it weren't for her, I would be making excuses on the ground of studying instead of attending Bible Study. For the past 2 weeks, she has continuously pushed me and dragged me to Bible study. I now have experienced what it's like being out of your comfort zone but still feeling so connected to others.

I'm the only Asian person in this little group of faithful believers, everyone else is African except for me. It's amazing to see how much in common we have when it comes to God and our personal decisions to love and obey him. The 2 times that I didn't feel like going, after forcing myself to go, I'm glad that I went because I came back so blessed!

Recently, things have been happening in my life that I would never see myself experiencing ever. Isn't it funny how things work for our own good? To be completely honest here, I have been feeling distant from God for the past 2 or 3 months despite the fact that I still went to church. I couldn't hear what He wanted of me, of the things that He wanted me to do. Being away from home didn't help either because instead of doing what was right, I did what made me feel good. The good feelings never lasted of course but ended up with me feeling guilty after that.

To make matters more interesting, I felt that God has been challenging me to put my trust in Him in an area of my life that I've been struggling with for a long long time. Things have happened that seemed out of place and bizzare at the moment so much so they left me confused and wondering about of a lot of things. My usual "modus operandi" of dealing with things like that would be to harp on about it and think way too much about it so much so that in the end, I would end up with a distorted and much doctored version of events or events to come. It all usually ends the same way, with me getting disappointed and feeling bitter.

Although I've said it aloud countless times that I will leave it in God's hands, I never really meant it because I ended up trying to do things my way. This time I feel it's different. Circumstances put this situation such that it's out of my control. When I realized what was happening...this cycle of events that would take place everytime something like this happens, I decided that it was enough. I've had enough of regrets and hurts all because I chose to do things my way, not His way.

I think the time has come for me to learn to put my trust wholeheartedly in God when it came to matters such as these. It is hard because I don't know what the outcome will be but I know FOR SURE that whatever happens, it is in God's will for my life. His good, pleasing and oh-so-perfect will. It's like the story of the footprints in the sand. I know God will get me through this!

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to me, the other to the Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. “Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, You’d walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

The Lord replied, “My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”



A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out