Brain Dead

I suppose I am partly to blame, for not starting on my work earlier but hey...spring break was around the corner and the holiday mood kicked in. Then you say, "You could've done your work over Spring Break". Oh...I was doing work alright, community service type work. And the last 2 days I had before school started was devoted to finishing my projects and homework and to recuperate from lack of sleep.

I have a paper to hand in on Monday and my professor was like yeah, just write whatever you want. No page guidelines, no starting point...no nothing! Usually, my over active brain would come up with some ingenious idea but right now, I think my brain cells are slightly fried due to the amount of stresses that I've experienced over the past week.

So here I am, supposed to write my paper while I am sitting here in some corner in the library but what am I doing? Blogging, listening to music, sleeping...basically doing everything but that I'm supposed to. Help!

A Dose of Yew

People are like plants. When you nurture and take care of it, it grows into a beautiful and healthy thing. However if you leave the plant in the care of a misguided gardener, your plant might end up injured, scarred or worse...dead.

Rehabilitating a plant that you rescued from neglect isn't easy as well. Gardeners would know this. Depending on how badly mistreated the plant is, it might not even immediately respond to watering, sunlight or fertilizer...it might even lose all its leaves and turn yellow. But it is not neccessarily dead.

With a lot of patience and care, change will happen eventually in spite of all the scars left behind. Roots regrow, stems turn green again and leaves sprout. However, this doesn't mean that the plant is alright just yet.

Wait for flowers...

Citylights St. Louis 2008

So Steph's car had a flat and we were trying to fix it when we spotted...


...a ripped-off leg from a dead deer than she ran over that decided to stick to the under carriage of her car. Sick!


Gaaaaah!!!! *cringe*


The crew that painted the K-Life offices at Third Baptist Church.


Drake and Central was probably the craziest bunch of students that were at Citylights and we're proud of it.


An uninvited person who jumped into the picture at the very last minute...looks kind of constipated. Haha!


Frozen custard at Ted Drewes. Imagine eating ice-cream in the cold outside...brr...


Drake University and Central College at Jubilee Community Church which was our host for the week.

Information Overload

Sometimes I think I'm "cursed" with having a brain that thinks and processes too much. Decisions that others might find easy end up boggling my mind. I end up analyzing "What if(s)...." This is when I envy people who do not think or are unable to think. I already know what I should do but at the same time, I don't want to do it!

Some would say, "Don't think about it, just go with the flow" or "Take a chance". However, I feel that some mistakes that arise from possible foolish behavior that could be avoided...SHOULD be avoided! Some lessons are too painful to learn on your own. It is good to be constantly considerate, thoughtful and blatantly honest but sometimes, I feel like its killing me.

What do we do now?

*edit
My answer: Nothing under the table. The chances of getting caught is too high. :P

CityLights St. Louis 2008

Went down again to St. Louis for Spring Break and this time, our group was less diverse because 2/3 were Malaysian. Nevertheless, I think I made the right decision in going instead of staying back and lazing my butt off. I doubt I would've done much homework if I stayed back...though I said I would. :P We ended up staying apart from everyone else because the group was too big so Drake and Central colleges stayed at Jubilee Church.

I remembered going to that site last year before it was finished and it was amazing to see how much work was done and completed. The first Sunday that we were there, we attended church at Jubilee and it was my first time in an African-American church. It was a surprise for me to see how close everyone in the church is to each other. Everyone cares for everyone else and are so transparent about their shortcomings and failures. I think a lot of our churches pretend that everything is going okay when it's not. Sometimes, it's alright to let people know that things are not well...and that's okay.

The weather was horrible because it rained almost all week. We had the first day off because we were scheduled to do outdoor work but we ended up going to the Basilica and to the City Museum. Will post some pics when I've uploaded them (bumming at a friend's place at the moment). I spent the rest of the week painting 2 work sites - this old lady's house...Mrs. Woods and the K-Life facilities at Third Baptist Church downtown.

It's amazing how God works through the littlest things to expose prejudices in your heart that you did not even realize was there! I repented of my pride and ungratefulness. Despite the fact that we had a bunch of non-believers in our group, I believe that they enjoyed themselves and that an impression was made upon their hearts. We just got back yesterday and it's so easy to just fall back into complacency and college life when you get caught up with everything else instead of that you're supposed to do.

The work has only begun.

Out Of Alignment

Its just one of the weeks, when the alignment of the planets seem to be out of order and the universe has fallen into chaos. Just had to be the week before Spring Break. Probably good in a sense that we'd end up appreciating the week off more.

Despite the holidays to look forward to, some things just seem to pile up, get on your nerves or skeletons come back to haunt you. I spent 3 freaking hours today trying to collect data from an online database when in fact, it shouldn't take me more than half an hour. I was on the verge of almost pulling my hair out or trashing my computer because the page kept freezing while in mid-load. Refreshing it will only make my computer freeze up!

In addition to that, I gave myself a scare because I thought I had to analyze each data point for the coordinates and in total, there were more than 500 points. I think I lost a few minutes of my lifespan in the past few hours. Didn't help that before that, I was having one of those emo days. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

You Are Worth Dying For (SG 1)

These were the words that jumped out to me when I read an excerpt from Chapter 6 of the book "Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality" by Rob Bell. Despite how dodgy or kinky the title might sound, the whole book is about how God made us the way we were and His plans for love. Love and relationships consist of 3 parts; friendship, commitment and the physical expression of love.

The craziest thing is that we so often see people in relationships that are incomplete as they lack one or more of the elements. Talk about going out for all the wrong reasons. Been there, done that...regretted like hell. It was partially my fault as well; for not knowing who I was or what I am worth. I only attended the study for the first week and I am honestly looking forward to the other sessions.

There have been so many questions in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember and they have yet to be answered until now. Growing up in a conservative Asian-culture based society didn't help either as the subject was considered taboo. Any education I got regarding the subject was mostly word of mouth from friends and from where else...the TV and media. All I heard from growing up in church was that it was not good and hence, don't do it...no more questions! Never did it say what it was in the context of the situation or what it really meant.

We all want to be loved in some way or the other and some of us are willing to do anything to obtain that type of "love"...the feeling of being wanted.
"Some women only know how to relate to men by making a series of transactions. They want to be wanted, and the man wants, well, the man wants what lots of men want. So they trade. Essentially they strike a deal with men, time and time again." (pg 123)

The part that hit home most was....
" You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued (by God...and by your friends!). You're good enough exactly as you are...You are worth dying for. Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator." (pg 123-124)

Bingo!

....will be continued

Me and Mr Jones

I went for dinner today and my friend saw me. He asked me if I was feeling alright because he said I looked sick. I just said, I have a test later. That was all the explaining that needed to be done. Now I am done with that test. In an awfully good mood at the moment and listening to Amy Winehouse. When she first came out, I have to admit that I hated her music and her style. I still hate her style but her songs aren't that bad afterall. I like how she sings her songs so matter-of-fact, especially this one. Me and Mr. Jones. What kind of f**kery is this? ;)

Style

The only other thing that is as satisfying as shopping is helping your friend shop. Even more so if your friend happens to be a guy.

Shopping with your girl friends is a norm. Everyone does it all the time but when your guy friend comes up to you for fashion advice, you better take what he asks you to do seriously. It is probably one of the few opportunities that you will get to impart some style into his life. I've seen one too many guys wearing really "apek" clothes to work. Dress your age guys!

I spent 6 hours at the mall today with my friend. He needed to get working clothes for his internship over the summer and I was given the privilege to help him pick out his work clothes. I was surprised that he didn't collapse out of exhaustion after 4 hours. We were really really tired at the end of the day but needless to say, I think we did good.

I helped him pick out ties, shirts, pants, socks, cologne and a suitcase. Despite the amount of stuff I helped him get, I think another trip is in order, his wardrobe is still incomplete...but not anytime soon. My feet are killing me.