I hate it when my brain goes into overdrive. When it starts to wander off by its own, on its own trail of thoughts and I cannot seem to do anything to distract it enough to make it stop. Everywhere around me, I seem to be seeing relationships crumble and fail. Right in the middle of when I'm trying to reach someone. When coming at me, from all directions are friends who are in the processes of healing or are thinking about the future of the relationship that they're in. And I am caught in the middle somehow.
Do I still believe in love? I ask myself this in the midst of so much hurt and regret. What is love? How do you know if you truly love someone? Somehow, I guess it is so ingrained into me that I don't think I can ever forget what it really is. I will forever quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-10. There is no other way of describing love as it is. The wholeness and completeness of it. The sacrificial part of it and the beauty of it. That verse captures the essence of love. Love is long-suffering.
So why do things seem to go through drastic changes in the Fall? They change like how the leaves change color and fall off the trees to the ground. It seems like everything is dying slowly. But there is a season for everything. The leaves need to fall in order for the trees to survive the winter. To continue to live. This is supposed to be my favorite season. Why don't I feel like it at times? I'm just waiting for spring.
2 comments:
Sometimes you just gotta go "fuck it" and make a decision. It's not easy, but letting it tear you up inside is just painful. I should know, I went through it. Mine was a lot more worse than yours, I even considered doing a LOT of things that I wouldn't even think about doing :)
If you really really like the boy, or as you say, you're in love, the best bet is for you to go approach him. I mean, telling him suddenly out of the blue that you're in love with him might be a little too much of a surprise, so start slow, I guess. Ask him if he wants to makan together (speaking as a guy, makan is very effective... we do think with our stomachs :P) and if you want to talk to a guy and you're worried that you might not have anything to talk to, while makanning is the best way. Guys normally tend to just open up and talk while eating... besides, having food doesn't put too much pressure on the occasion for you to impress him or anything like that, i mean, you're makanning. If it goes well, then maybe make plans for other activities, like a movie or go to a school event together, etc. If you don't want to seem pushy, make plans to do something and put the onus on him to contact you "well, here's my number, just give me a call when you're about to leave, okay? seeya!" .. if he wants to hang out more, he'd call :)
Taking the first step is the bitch. Sometimes it doesn't work out well, you hang out, you build all these mental fantasies, tell the other person you like em, and they say "omg i thought we were just friends sorry" and you're completely crushed and totally utterly devastated and destroyed inside. been there done that :P
But after the two or so months it took for me to heal, I realised that it WAS for the better... at least now i know. After the period of healing, i was able to move on and continue with my life... instead of letting the uncertainty totally mess me up.
I could sympathize with what you write, like i said, been there done that. i might not be the right person who's advise you should follow, you probably don't care much for it anyway :P but just my two cents, and if you get something useful from this, hey, i'll be happy for you :)
just put your faith in god (in your case) and take the first step. if it was meant to work out, it will. if the guy just doesn't feel the same, or if it wasn't meant to be, then it wouldn't work out. but at least you would know, and hey, you might have made a new friend in the process :)
Thanks for the tip but I figured things out already.
Post a Comment