Moving On

I have never been a fan of those applications on Facebook but my absolute favorite application would have to be the Fortune Cookie application. There's something appealing about clicking the button and getting a completely random fortune. So when I log into Facebook, I like to get a new fortune daily and if I like it, I'll leave it at that for a while. The craziest thing is that sometimes, the "fortunes" that I get are totally straight on, or something that I need to hear. Today I clicked once and the phrase, "Why haven't you moved on yet?" popped up.

I paused for a while, stared at the computer screen and asked myself the exact same question. It has been too long and if I'm honest with myself, I am still not completely over it yet. I know I should but I am not okay with it largely due to the fact that my ego was bruised big time. I still berate myself for being so stupid about the whole matter because I know better than that. Since I got back, I was trying to deal with it by acting like things were okay when they were not. I even felt that he was trying to show me up by acting that everything was fine...that he was fine; pretending that nothing happened.

I did the exact same thing but on the inside, I was fuming. Because of that, I am no better than he is. Worse in fact. I realized today that there is no point in holding on to the hurt and regret. Mistakes are made but life goes on. Feeling resentful and angry will and has been interfering with my relationships with other people. I am sick of hearing myself complaining about him. So when I saw him today at Hubbell, I think he was pretending not to see me but I made it really clear that I was saying "Hi" to him and he couldn't avoid it. I ended up sitting with my friends 2 tables away from him while he sat alone. I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

Coz all the while, I thought I was the only one hurting but then again, I see him hurting as well...probably not in the same way like I am; but he is. I can only do so much, by being genuinely nice to him when I see him in public because I don't think I'm quite ready on my own accord to go and look for him to see how things are going with him. I doubt that we'll ever be good friends because I don't think I will be able to completely trust him again but its better than being completely hostile strangers to each other.