On Being Difficult

I have wondered on so many occasions as to what God thinks of me. Besides knowing that He loves me unconditionally, I still wonder how He is what He is; patient, loving, forgiving and only wanting the best for me. I’ll admit that I think I drive God up the wall sometimes. I bug him constantly to take away all the difficult situations in my life and to bless me all the time. Selfish? Yes, I’ll admit that it is wanting that all the time but I can’t help myself. I know for sure that trials are put specifically for us to grow and be strong but sometimes, I feel like giving up and shutting down. There’s only so much I can take. I guess that’s why it’s vital that I have to learn to rely on God’s strength and not my own. I will only end up as a failure if I do things my way. This is something I have been struggling with for a long time. In difficult times, when I cannot take it anymore, I surrender wholly to Him. But I tend to forget that in situations that I can handle by my own, I also need to surrender them to Him. I have to let Him be in control in every aspect of my life.